Finding True Validation as an Opera Singer

Overture

As I was stepping off stage, I found a colleague nearby—someone who might have heard my performance. I asked him, "How was it? Was it good? Did I sing well?"

I don’t even remember his answer. All I can recall is that strange sensation in my body—I wasn’t at peace with myself. I was looking for someone, anyone, to approve of me, to confirm that I was worthy of doing what I do.

The Early Habit of Seeking Approval

I used to do it all the time as a young singer, especially in young artists programs.

Asking for validation, looking for someone to approve my worth.

As my career advanced, I stopped asking. 

Asking random colleagues for their opinion about your performance just as you step off stage is self sabotage.

In this act you are actually telling yourself that you don’t know if you are good enough.

Let me tell you something:

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!

And you have inside of you all you need in order to succeed!

What My Baby Taught Me About Growth

When my baby-girl took her first steps, learning to walk, she did not ask me, her mama: “how was it? Was it a good step, a bad step, a too small of a step, should I make it wider?” 

A baby is clearly IN TUNE  with that moment of trying to walk. 

She was exploring, trying, and trusting the process. 

She would take one step after the other again and again even if she falls. And she did stumbled at the beginning. A lot. 

However, there was something in her guts that directed her to KEEP GOING, keep trying every single day and GROW in that way - until she learned to walk. 

She did not look for my permission to walk. 

If she would have started questioning herself -”is it even possible to walk? Why am I falling? Is something wrong with me? How long will it take me to learn this skill?...”

The process would become much harder, much slower, maybe even impossible and disconnected from her primal instincts of growth and development. 

I would never scream at my baby for falling, I would never question her ability to walk. In fact,  when she was learning to walk, I was extremely patient with her - letting her find her steps at her own natural pace.

So why is it that we sometimes treat our voices differently?

Why do we question our voices, our paths, our decision to become opera singers every time we fall? 

Why are we looking for someone else to tell us that we deserve to take those steps, to walk this path?

And maybe the most important question would be.. How do we change that? How do we learn to trust our voice and our path? 

Where do we find true VALIDATION?

In a World of Opinions

As opera singers, we are surrounded by opinions. Everyone has one—about your repertoire, your fach, what competitions to do, even what languages to sing in. It can be overwhelming.

But as my career has grown, I’ve realized that the only voice that matters—the only one with all the answers—is my own.

And how do we strengthen that voice? Through daily connection with our craft.

The more I sing, the more I try different repertoire, the more I listen to my own sensations—what feels smooth, easy, joyful—the more I know what works for me.

And my sensation can evolve, of course. But what grounds me is the love and respect I build through consistent practice.

In one of my voice lessons, my voice teacher told me to treat my voice like I treat my baby girl - with love, compassion, and patience. 

Something clicked for me there. 

My aim now is to clear that foggy cloud of external opinions - send it far away, out of my sight, and find true validation within.

Tunning In

Finding true self validation is a process. 

It is a daily process that I invest a lot in -  not only in the practice room while singing, but also during my daily meditation and visualization sessions, inside my head with a positive empowering self-talk, replacing doubt and fear with courage and self-belief. 

This daily practice of self validation - is part of my plan to become the best singer and artist I can be.

I reprogram my mind and voice for self love, confidence, and true listening.

I take time to listen to my inner voice, I find my inner voice daily. That magical inner voice is so delicate and beautiful, and when I practice connecting to it daily, it becomes stronger and louder. 

The inner voice has all the answers within, we have all the answers inside.

We know best what soothes our voices and feels so good to sing, we know best what we need to improve, and we know in our guts what competition to attend and which audition to invest in - all we need to do is eliminate external distractions, and learn to tune-in.

Maria Callas Said No to the Met

A really good example of an artist who had that strong inner connection from a young age is Maria Callas.

By the age of 19, she was already a star in Athens, Greece. At 20, she moved to NYC to live with her father and try to launch her international career. For nearly two years, she faced rejection after rejection. No agent, no opera house would hire her.

Then, she auditioned for the Metropolitan Opera. And guess what? They offered her two roles on the spot—Fidelio and Madama Butterfly.

She said no.

Yes. After two years of no work, Maria Callas said no to the Met.

Why? Because she knew those roles weren’t right for her voice or her artistry.

According to her biographer Arianna Stassinopoulos, she didn’t want to sing Fidelio in English, or portray a 15-year-old Japanese girl at her weight and age. She held herself to a high artistic standard.

That’s what inner validation looks like.

And of course, she later became the reigning diva of the Met.

Trust Your Voice

As a young artist, it is very confusing to receive different opinions. I know it because I have been there, I have experienced a rain of opinions which sometimes were very harmful. The earlier you will learn to listen and connect to your inner voice, this path will become much more connected to who you are, and it will be easier to be at peace with it.

Here’s a personal story.

Before a recent competition, a coach told me to stop singing -ina roles—Rosina, Norina, Adina. He said I should move to heavier repertoire.

But I love the -inas. My voice loves them.

So I trusted my instinct. I sang Rosina in that competition and I won the role of Rosina in a full production in Italy. Because I listened to my own voice.

Grand Finale

Your path needs to be decided according to one voice, and one voice only:

Your voice. Your feeling, your intuition and your gut. Your opinion.

You are the one who will step on that stage and sing that music.

You know best how it feels to sing each and every note in each and every moment. 

You know best where you want to take your voice. 

Only you can feel that inner impulse of passion that moves you forward to grow and develop your voice. 

That inner impulse is where we lean into for validation. It’s a place of growth, compassion, and love. This is your process, your journey. 

You set the tone.

Clean those doubting voices in your mind.

And find encouraging mentors who will supportively guide you on your journey.

You will decide what to sing, you will choose the repertoire that feels nice in your voice and that matches your character and spirit. 

Your voice knows best. Tune in, listen within, and trust yourself.

You have all the answers inside.

🌈Let’s Walk This Path Together

Join our Opera Singers Resonate Community - a supportive space for singers - a place where we can speak openly, support one another, and grow into the artists we’re meant to be.

Listen to the Resonate Opera Podcast - "Finding True Validation as an Opera Singer"

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I wish you a wonderful singing journey filled with depth, growth, and success - both internal and external.

With love,

Shiri.